Take care,
Karyn

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DATE: September 30, 2002
FROM: Aardkal The Only
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: Advice Column

Hi Karyn:

I just found your website (it was mentioned in an ABCnews.com article.)

You moved from Chicago to New York? Get into any hot dog arguments when you arrived? That is, how they're prepared, and the condiments used?

I've been reading the Me-Emails, very entertaining! Have you ever considered starting an 'Advice' column? Your replies are entertaining, and biting when needed.

Dunno how you'd make money at it, though.

Hey, what happens when you finally break $20,000? Gonna pull the plug and leave us in the dark?

Noooooo!

(Signed)
Lordgongbeater
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Aardkal The Only
SUBJECT: Re: Advice Column

Dear Lordgongbeater,

Very good question. Hotdogs are serious business. And I'll be honest, I haven't gotten into any fights over them, but I think that is because all New Yorkers know that Chicago dogs are better. I once even saw a television show where they rated the best hot dogs in the country, and Chicago hot dogs were the best. So I do not stand alone on this debate.

New York people put this grody red cabbage-y looking stuff on their hotdogs and it's so yucky! My first time at a hot dog vendor, I was like, "Where's all the stuff that goes on the hot dog?" And he was like, "This is all we have lady." I was like, "Then I'll take ketchup only please."

Anyway, as for the advice column. I'd LOVE to have an advice column! Who am I to give advice you ask? NO ONE! JUST KARYN! But I have been known to give good advice before...

"Dear Karyn... my girlfriend is cheating, what do I do?"
Dump the broad!

"Dear Karyn... my cat just stares at me all day, why does he do that?"
Because you're ugly!

"Dear Karyn... I have this strange rash on my booty, what should I do?"
See a doctor!

See how good I am? With that, I encourage everyone to ASK AWAY and we'll see how I do. Maybe I can be the next Dear Abby, the next Ann Landers, the next Dr. Phil...

Thanks,
Karyn

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DATE: September 29, 2002
FROM: Bob
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: cats using toilets

Karyn -

Reading your "daily buck" update for Sept 26, I can't help but wonder if perhaps using the "Kitty Whiz Transfer System" might create more problems than it solves. Even assuming that the cat learns how to consistently use the toilet correctly (e.g. not all over the seat or something), do you really want unexpected usage of your toilet?

Picture this: you meet a nice guy downtown (it's possible!) and you agree to go to dinner together. You have a romantic evening out, and you invite him back to your place. Everything's going great and he has a very good impression of you. After you arrive at your flat, he asks if he can use your bathroom for a sec. You have forgotten completely about the "Kitty Whiz Transfer System" and he goes in to find a large poop floating in the toilet. Nice.

He pictures the rest of his life spent with you, leaving unflushed business for year after year, and comes out looking a little blanched. You realize your error and quickly try to explain the whole cat situation...but it's too late. The damage is done.

I think, perhaps, that the "Kitty Whiz Transfer System" may not be the deal that it seems.

Good luck with that.

Yours,
Bob
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Bob
SUBJECT: Re: cats using toilets

Dear Bob,

Thanks for your concern, but large dumps in the toilet is not a problem for me. You see, the first time I meet a man, I usually let them know about my fondness for leaving dumps in the toilet. I also let them know about my love of flatulence. So when they come over and find one floating, they don't question how it got there. Sure I could say, "The cat did it," but why give him all the credit? Bodily waste is a natural part of life, so why do we keep pretending it's not?

All kidding aside, yes, I see your point. But maybe my cat is civilized enough to learn how to flush. Did you ever think of that?

Thanks,
Karyn

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DATE: September 28, 2002
FROM: Michele M.
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: WHO is that on your website?

Hi Karyn,

Hope you are feeling better....

Saw you in People magazine. Next we'll be seeing you on talk shows. What's it like getting famous?

Anyway, the reason for the email, - apart from the fact that we hope you are feeling better....is that me and my friends think that the person in the pics on your site looks VERY VERY THIN, compared to the person in the People Magazine. (Not that we're saying you're fat...not by a long chalk.) But the question remains....Is that really you in the web pics with those skinny arms reaching for the Brita or is it someone else? If you don't answer this, and please do, because we are obviously VERY nosey people, we will have no other alternative than to EMAIL THE CAT. If he's anything like the dog on the Bush's Baked Beans commercial, he'll give away the secrets....and we WILL get an answer. So it really would be in your best interests to cough up the truth.....

Feel better soon! Way to go with the debt reduction! Don't ever do that AGAIN!

Please, please answer our question!

Michele, Anna, and a few other NOSEY people

P.S. Give a kiss to the cat from us. We wouldn't really harrass him...
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Michele M.
SUBJECT: Re: WHO is that on your website?

Dear Michele, Anna & other nosey people,

For your information the thin person on the website is ME and the fat person in People is also ME! You say you don't mean to offend, but babe, would you like me to ask you a question like that? "Dear Michele, I saw a photo of you and you looked rather thin, and then saw another and you looked like a big fat pig. Don't want to offend, but are they both you?"

I discussed your email with the cat and he also wants me to assure you that the photo of him on the website is really him too and not a body double. But he does thank you for the kiss.

Thanks,
Karyn

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DATE: September 27, 2002
FROM: Rob S.
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: Are you ok?

Hi Karyn,

I see you haven't posted any Daily Bucks or Me-mails in a few days. I know you said you were sick but I hope it's not too serious. Oh my god, what if you're dead? What would I do for entertainment if you didn't have this website anymore?

Hoping you're okay so I will continue to have something to laugh about everyday!!

Rob S.
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Rob S.
SUBJECT: Re: Are you ok?

Dear Rob,

Thank you for your concern. After a few days of heavy sleep (i.e. Nyquil induced slumber...) my bottle has hit empty and I have emerged a healthier person. Therefore, today I am back better than ever ready to amuse you again. I have just updated my Daily Bucks, and will update my mE-Mails later today.

Karyn

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DATE: September 26, 2002
FROM: John D.
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: I'm sick too... and I'm dating a co-worker

Hi Karyn,

I'm sick, too, but I had to go to work today anyway. Being sick at work isn't too bad, but it sort of sucks because I'm dating a coworker, which means that I can't really hide from her when I'm having a bad day.

I'm feeling bad about this because she was sick last week and remained in a pretty good mood, but I'm just not feeling it this week and sort of have had my head up my ass.

Do you have any experience with such things? I'm not being literal here ... just curious about any dating coworker experiences you may have had. And I hope you're feeling better. I feel like Hell.

Yours, J
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: John D.
SUBJECT: Re: I'm sick too... and I'm dating a co-worker

Dear John,

Oh my poor soul. I am so sorry you are sick too. I am currently not dating a co-worker, but have in the past. And nothing is worse than having them see you hacking up a lung with snot dripping down your nose.

Even worse than that however, is the break up. I'm not suggesting you and she will break up, but unless you plan on marrying this dame, you best get another job if and when you two split. That can get ugly. (I know I am an adult, but this is not an easy thing.)

As for being chipper when you are sick, I pride myself on always being cheerful. But when I can't breathe, speak, smell, and break into a sweat for no apparent reason, the last thing I am is happy. So you are not alone in that boat. Good luck, feel better, and may I recommend Nyquil?

Thanks,
Karyn

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DATE: September 22, 2002
FROM: Dave
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: at least you're debt is to the credit card companies

hey karyn

well i was thinking as i was watching the sopranos tonite, at least you don't owe money to tony soprano, cause well, it looks like THAT would suck. so in a way you have it pretty good. sure you're in debt, but no one's gonna shoot you in the knee cap or bust out the business that you don't own. anyways good luck.

Dave
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Dave
SUBJECT: Re: at least you're debt is to the credit card companies

Dear Dave,

Yes Dave, I suppose you are right. But I am going to be honest here and tell you that I might not mind owing the money to Tony Soprano as much as you think. You see, I have this strange attraction to Tony Sporano. Not James Gandolfini the actor, but Tony Soprano. I think he's well... sexy. I don't know what it is about him, but I have a mad crazy crush on him! I think it could be love!

Maybe it's his power that's so charming, or his sexy big fat belly good lucks. But I just get so excited when he walks outside in his robe to get the paper. I just simply find him irrisistable. So irrisistable that I woudln't mind meeting up with him in a dark alley. Given the fact that he wasn't there to shoot out my knee cap or somehting like that...

I guess to me, men that are confident are attractive. It's as simple as that. Doesn't matter if you have a big gut or a receding hairline to me. I like confidence. So Dave, in a way you are right. I'd rather owe my money to a credit card company instead of some mobster. But if that mobster was Tony Soprano, well then I have think twice about that one.

XOXO,
Karyn

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DATE: September 16, 2002
FROM: Michael A.
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: NUMMY

Could you please tell me what the hell "NUMMY" means. I assume you mean Yummy, but once again you go out of your way to be more annoying than I thought humanly possible. Everytime I see you write "NUMMY" I want to reach into the computer and ring your neck. Other than that thanks for entertaining me with this ridiculous site.

THE ACK
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Michael A.
SUBJECT: Re: NUMMY

Dear Michael,

"Nummy" means "yummy" only there is an "n" at the front of the word instead of a "y". I am so sorry if it irritates you so much and think perhaps you might want to take some anger management classes to control your rage. The fact that one little word, "nummy", throws you into such a tizzy concerns me.

And I'm sorry if my "ridiculous site" bugs you, perhaps you should have pushed the back button on your browser when you first discovered this, rather than reading the entire site, deciding that I use the word "nummy" too much, and then deciding to send me an email about it.

Best,
Karyn

PS - If you have any nummy money left over after going to the anger management class, please try to send a buck or two my way!

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DATE: September 11, 2002
FROM: Erin & Mun
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: Rock on with your Bad Self!!!

Dear Karyn,

We are local law enforcement employees that love your site and read it everynight. I wish we made more money so that we could send you a few bucks but we don't so we can't. However we support you and think you are great and are amazed at the response that you have received... and the publicity that your website has gotten. Your daily e-mail is great and we love your reply to the August 11th email from Mitch... he sounds like alot of the losers that we deal with on the streets.

A tip that I just discovered and you may appreciate is a very cheap lotion. Lotion is a very important necessity in a girls life... anyway, I too go to Victoria's Secret and buy the $20.00 lotion, $20.00 shower gel, and $20.00 body spray...I just discovered Calgon Powder Fresh lotion and body wash...$3.00 each and you smell like you just got out of the shower all day. I was telling one of my friends about how cheap it is and how good it smells and they told me I sounded like SaveKaryn, so I thought I would email you about it.

Anyway, good luck in the future...hope you get everything in life you want and pet your cat for us...we love him too.
One final thing that we could possibly say to you is...
"ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF!"

Sincerely,
Erin & Mun
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Erin & Mun
SUBJECT: Re: Rock on with your Bad Self!!!

Dear Erin & Mun,

Hello ladies! Yes, I agree Mitch sounds like a loser. And ther cat is SO EXCITED that you send your regards. He like law enforcement people and is against crime of any kind. His two favorite shows are America's Most Wanted and COPS.

Anywho, in regards to the lotion, thanks for the tip! I too have discovered a cheap favorite. Palmer's Cocoa Butter. It's super rich and smooth and smells nummy too! Like chocolate. It's great with fall and winter approaching. You can buy it in the bottle, or in the jar (which is seriosuly like butter). Perfect for the heels and elbows.

It's important for females to smell pretty. And being poor is no excuse to stink. There is nothing worse than sitting next to a stanky person on the train. Phew! Sometimes I need to reach in my purse and dab some lotion right under my nose to cover up the nasty aromas I come accross... I'm sure you deal with the same type of things, but on a more frequent basis being law enforcement agents and all. I would imagine most criminals are pretty ripe.

Anywho, thanks so much for the support! Bye!

Rockin' on,
Karyn
:::::
UPDATE: I RECEIVED THIS EMAIL FROM "MUN" ON SEPT 12TH...

Karyn,

I'm the "Mun" from Erin and Mun who wrote you a few days ago. Remember?....your law enforcement fans? We appreciated your reply and enjoyed seeing our note on your website. Now I'll admit my manners have slipped a bit over the years, and I'm not called a GENTLEMAN as much as in the past, but I can't ever recall being called a LADY.

Trust me Karyn, I don't have the sense of fashion to be a woman or the legs to wear a skirt. Karyn, having told the world I'm a woman you'll either have to print a retraction or I'll be forced to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe. It won't be a pretty sight!!! I'll also be forced to undergo an expensive operation to live up to the new gender you've assigned to me. How will I ever pay for it? WWW.saveMUN.com perhaps?

Please Karyn, correct this soon. I was planning on watching some football this weekend and don't have time to go dress shopping. If you don't have time to set the record straight as to my gender could you at least let me know if Victoria's Secret has a big and tall woMANS section?

Thanks, Mun

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DATE: September 9, 2002
FROM: Diane
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: Is that a toilet in the background?

Karyn:

Something is really bugging me. In the picture of you with your cat (which I think is great - I love cats), it looks like a toilet in the background. Is that really a toilet or just something else white?

A big fan,
Diane
:::::
FROM: Diane
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: Re: Is that a toilet in the background?

Dear Diane,

Why yes Diane, that IS a toilet! You see, I am sitting at the kitchen table in that photo working hard on the website, and that IS a white toilet in the background.

Let me just say that there is NOTHING I like more than sitting at the kitchen table and looking at a toilet in my living room. Sometimes my roommate uses it while I'm eating dinner and it's just delightful!

What you can't see is that just past the TV (the black thing in the top left corner is a TV) is the front door to our apartment. Now the only thing I like better than watching my roommate use the loo while I'm eating is greeting visitors while sitting on the pot! Sometimes I try shake their hand upon them entering the apartment, but they usually want no part of that since I've just been sitting on the toilet.

Another great advantage to having a toilet in my living room is that there's no need to knock on the bathroom door to see if someone's using the pot, because I can actually WATCH them using the pot.

So, thanks for noticing Diane, and may I suggest you move your toilet to the living room?

Karyn

PS - I am joking. It is a white chair.

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DATE: August 30, 2002
FROM: Pam
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: none

YOU MUST BE KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never been in Bloomingdales and you expect me to pay for YOUR STUFF!!!!
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Pam
SUBJECT: Re: none

Dear Pam,

No Pam, I am NOT kidding. And I am sorry, but did I read your email correctly? You've NEVER been to Bloomingdales? Oh my, Pam, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I am just so sorry...

Karyn

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DATE: August 29, 2002
FROM: Dirty Joe
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: in refrance

Dear Karyn,

This e-mail is in refrence to one that you replied to on your Daily mE-mail. On Aug. 3rd you recived an email that was sent to you by Spinal and the subject was: "Think you have it bad?" It was talking about how he had nothing left from when he got into a $60,000 debt becuase his ex-wife has it all so he couldnt sell it all on ebay like you. You replied to his letter stating that he should sell his ex-wife on ebay. Well the point is that you actuly have a 18% chance of getting away with selling a person on ebay. One time we tried to sell my friend James on ebay and it got down to the last 23hours and ebay finaly caught up with us. The bidding actuly got up to around $67,000. Well I just thought that I would comment about it, thank you for your time.

Joe

P.S. I would send you a buck but I am tring to get a grant right now so that i can go to school but good luck.
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Joe
SUBJECT: Re: in refrance

Dear Joe,

Wow. Good to know. Good luck with your grant.

Thanks,
Karyn

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DATE: August 28, 2002
FROM: Anton
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: economics

Dear Karyn,

In your opening letter, you write, "I didn't hurt anyone by spending too much money. I was actually HELPING OUT THE ECONOMY."

You're wrong. First of all, you hurt yourself. Second, you and people like you who rack up massive credit card debt are a burden on the economy. Try taking a first year course in macroeconomics to learn about household debt and its negative effects.

Warmest regards,
Anton
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Anton
SUBJECT: Re: economics

Dear Anton,

Actually, I was in Business Week magazine and they confirmed that I actually WAS helping out the economy. If it weren't for consumer spending, which grew 3.1% in 2001, the economy would have cratered.

Warmer regards,
Karyn

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DATE: August 27, 2002
FROM: Justin E.
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: Sorry, Wer're Drunk

GET a job.

YOU SHOP AT, sorry about the caps earlier, ... you shop at old navy. I think that is a waste of money. Unless you are shopping at the salvation army, you are lost. I want this to be completely secular. I am drunk but you live in New York City, get a rope! Ha! I dont get into debt on my credit cards. That is fo' retarded fools you deserve to pay 24-1/2% interest on your short term loans,

whose got stinky breath?
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Justin E.
SUBJECT: Re: Sorry, Wer're Drunk

Dear Justin,

I'm guessing that right about now, YOUR breath isn't smelling really good. To get drunk is one thing, to get drunk and send incoherent email messages to people you do not know is another. Honey, I can take the criticism, but it needs to make sense.

Sleep it off, sober up, rewrite your email and try again.

Thanks,
Karyn

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DATE: August 26, 2002
FROM: Mark
TO: Karyn
SUBJECT: A.Word.A.Day

I can't help monetarily, but here's a handy word for you to use at will.

Cheers,
Mark

oniomania (O-nee-uh-MAY-nee-uh, MAYN-yuh) noun

Compulsive shopping; excessive, uncontrollable desire to buy things.

[From Latin, from Greek xnios (for sale), from onos (price) + -mania.]

"Usually, oniomania leads to financial problems, such as overspending on credit cards and bad credit ratings."
Just Ask Us, Current Health 2 (Highland Park, Illinois), Mar 2, 2001.
:::::
FROM: Karyn
TO: Mark
SUBJECT: Re: A.Word.A.Day

Dear Mark,

Thanks for the new word. I'm always looking for new ways to enrich my vocabulary. I always buy those word calendars where you learn a new word every day. But I never seem to actually implement the new words that I learn into my daily dialogue. I always seem to revert back to my favorite words of all time: pretty, nice, cute, sweet, dude and grody. When I'm feeling sassy, I sometimes sprinkle conversation with words like, "wow" and "cool".

So thanks for the new word. I will try to use my new word "oniomania" 5 times today. If it weren't for my oniomania, I would have never learned the word "oniomania". See?? It's working already.

Karyn