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The Weekly mE-Mail Archive...
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| More E-Mails to ME about ME - Page 2 | ||||||
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DATE: August 25, 2002 FROM: Joe TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Fashion Emergency Hey Karyn, The other night I had a dream that I was a cheerleader and the top of our uniform was a bright banana yellow (not lemon yellow) short sleeve Member's Only jacket. I looked pretty haught in it. Anyway, after the dream I figured that was a sign that it was time to track down a Members Only jacket and put it into my fashion mix. I love to mix vintage with current gear. So, I called my friend who just opened a vintage shop in Miami, and she had some dead stock Members Only jackets, so I had her send me a bright white one. Its just as nice and strapy as I remember it from 6th grade. Do you think the dream was really a sign? Or do you think its way too early to mix Members Only with my Prada and D&G? Joe ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Joe SUBJECT: Re: Fashion Emergency Dear Joe, I so believe in signs, and I feel that you, my dear friend Joe, received one. A Member's Only jacket can be very cool when worn properly. And it's definitely wise to mix it with some hot D&G or Prada to show that you are not some out of work actor left over from a very special Blossom... I'd like to also commend you on the color choice. A white crisp jacket is really the way to go. Although the yellow might have potential, it's best not to take chances with this one. The white will be much more versatile... I'd like to leave you on this parting note, Joe. Fashion and style is much more of an attitude than anything. If you wear that jacket and feel like a superstar, then you will be a superstar. If you wear it and are unsure about whether or not it looks cool, then you will look unsure of yourself, and therefore look like a moron. If you wear it, own it, live it, love it - the you, Joe, will be just fine. Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 25, 2002 FROM: Greg R. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: $5 PayPal payment you are my queen. i will send you 5 bucks and not have an extra beer on saturday night. if i drink less beer maybe i'll end up waking up next to a better looking chick. beer and chicks rule. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Greg SUBJECT: Re: $5 PayPal payment Dear Greg, Thanks for the $5. I'm glad to hear I am your queen. Better than being your bitch, I suppose. And good to hear you may be cutting back on the beer this weekend. Girls don't like guys that drink too much beer. They slur their speech, spit a lot... It can just get really messy. It sounds like you may have had some bad experiences with beer and chicks mixing in the past. Greg, don't feel bad. Just like love can make you do stupid things, so can beer. So good luck. Let me know how you make out. Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 23, 2002 FROM: Ted TO: Karyn SUBJECT: URGENT HELP NEEDED KARYN- A co-worker of mine and I read your website daily to help us in our similar endeavors to live on a budget. You see we too have recently been thrust into income levels that threaten our former "pop-queen" lifestyles. We have new jobs that simply can't justify the spending habits we were accustomed to in the past. ANYWAYS, we have been good frugal city folk for almost a month now: taking public transit instead of cabs, making our own lunch, buying generic frozen concentrated OJ (I know, but something's gotta give). Then just yesterday we were presented with what appears to be an impossible expense to pass up: Cher, the diva beauty incarnate, is coming to town. How could we pass this up? How could we justify the $200 expense? Would Cher understand? Surely our pop-queen memberships would be revoked for missing such a monumental event. Are there welfare packages for such crises? Please advise oh budget goddess. -Ted ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Ted SUBJECT: Re: URGENT HELP NEEDED Dear Ted, Looks like you got yourself into a pickle. Let me start by saying, I totally understand what you are going through. Exactly what happened to you, is exactly what happened to me. This is my advice... Like a pair of Prada shoes for $100, some things in life are just too good to pass up. And Cher, my dear, is one of them. You may be on a budget, but when you look back in 20 years, do you want your memories to be of frozen OJ or Cher? My guess is Cher. Now, I had the pleasure of seeing Cher from the seventh row before. Not trying to rub the row in your face or anything, but I REALLY got to see Cher (from the seventh row.) And that Cher just rocks! She was coming out of the ceiling on a swing... wearing all these wigs... lip-syncing, er- I mean, singing her heart out... all for her fans! Just like beauty magazines, Cher makes you want to be a better person. So, go to the concert. Forgo the OJ. Skip a few breakfasts. CHER WOULD GO IF SHE WERE YOU. Don't buy the program, I'll give you mine if you want it. And, don't buy the beer. Bring a flask or something. Those arenas are such a rip off! Go and sing! Go and dance! Your pop-queen meberships are on the line. Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 22, 2002 FROM: steak-daddy TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Bill Buckner Just to put some order in your world I thought I'd let you know that Bill Buckner is now living in the Boise, Idaho area. My cousin built his house, a nice big one. Once your debt is paid off, buy yourself a ticket to the land of famous potatoes and do a little stalking... I don't figure you for much of a stalker, but it would make for a pretty economical vacation! ~ S ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: steak-daddy SUBJECT: Re: Bill Buckner Dear S, Thank you for putting my mind at ease. I had many crushes when I was little. But none of them affected me quite like Bill Buckner. My sister and I would play house and often have fictitious husbands. We were bored I guess... There was Eric Estrada from Chips, the blond guy from Starsky and Hutch, Bo Duke, Shawn Cassidy... I even liked Sonny Bono. But when I first laid eyes on one Bill Buckner through a pair of binoculars at a Cubs game, all my other "husbands" vanished. That Bill was a looker. So, thanks for letting me know his whereabouts. I'm not a stalker, so I doubt I'll find myself in Idaho anytime soon. If you see him around, tell him I say, "Hey there!" I just have one more question? Since you know where Bill Buckner has been, how about Axl Rose? Where’s he been hiding? Just wonderin'... Thanks, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 21, 2002 FROM: Chris TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Message from Manchester, UK Hi Karyn, This morning, before I left home I gave my wife a kiss. I did this not because I wanted to, but because I know she likes it. I also kicked my wife's cat quite hard this morning because it was behaving in a sinister manner and I suspected it of being up to something. Now according to your theories I should have derived pleasure from kissing my wife and not from kicking the cat. I have to tell you this was not the case. Kissing my wife was a thoroughly unpleasant experience; kicking her cat was delicious. I have tested your theory and it doesn't work. You are therefore obtaining money by deception, and that my dear is fraud. Chris ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Chris SUBJECT: Re: Message from Manchester, UK Dear Chris, I don't care about your wife, but you should have never kicked the cat. Maybe you shouldn't have married your wife if you derive such little pleasure kissing her. Chris, was she the only woman you could get? Or Chris, has she turned bitter toward you due to your less than stellar performance in the bedroom? The poor defenseless little cat that you kicked may have been up to something, but who's to say you did not deserve whatever he was up to? Cats have a good sense about people. If he was digging around your closet looking for a shoe of yours to pee in, my guess is that you deserve it. My cat peed on my bed once or twice, and it was because I wasn't giving him the attention he needed. So Chris, I suggest you kiss your cat, AND kiss your wife again LIKE YOU MEAN IT. Do some push ups. Get some Viagra. Try to spice up your love in the bedroom. Maybe that'll fix your problems. Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 20, 2002 FROM: Larry TO: Karyn SUBJECT: your plight You know, I'd be much more inclined to send you a buck or two if you could show some restraint with your use of exclamation points. Fondly, L ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Larry SUBJECT: Re: your plight Dear L, You know, the expected thing for me to do would be to send you some smart-alec response laden with exclamation points. But I'm not going to do that. I am just going to say that I am sorry if my over-use of exclamation points makes you feel uncomfortable. I use exclamation points to show that I am excited about what I am saying. And I use them to show how happy I am. Yes, I may be buried in debt, but I am happy. So, I'm sorry if me being happy somehow makes you feel uncomfortable. But it is just who I am. Sometimes I get so excited that I can't sit in my chair. And for me, the only way to properly convey that to you is to use an abundance of exclamation points. So, 'til later, g'bye! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that means I'm excited to be saying goodbye) Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 19, 2002 FROM: Dore TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Spelling error on your website Karyn is spelled "Karen". ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Dore SUBJECT: Re: Spelling error on your website Dear Dore, Gee, thanks for pointing that out. Imagine how stupid I feel after spelling my name wrong for the past 20 years. What an idiot I've been. I guess since you have such a conventional name, "Dore", it's easy for you to be critical of other people's creative name spelling variations. Thanks for the tip, Karyn PS - Send a buck if you can! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (This Daily mE-Mail is actually a letter...) August 18, 2002 Karyn, Here are some tickets to a Yankees game that you can sell. Thought they would be better to send than a buck. Keep up the good work and faith in people. I think you will be out of debt by the new year! Good Luck Karyn, yankeebear PS - Hope this is cool enough to be mentioned on the website... ::::: Dear yankeebear, Thank you so much! I am so excited! I'd love to go to the game, but I don't know too much about baseball. I'm the girl who likes to sit in the bleachers, drink beer and talk to my friends. When I was little, I attended quite a few Cubs games and actually developed quite a crush on one Bill Buckner... no idea what happened to him except that I hear he dropped a ball or something and his career hit the can... Anywho... I am auctioning off the tickets on eBay. Click here for a link to the auction... UPDATE: THE TICKETS SOLD FOR $41. THE LADY WHO WON THE AUCTION BLEW ME OFF AND DIDN'T PAY. THAT'S CRAPPY. SO I GAVE THEM TO A TEENAGE BOY I SAW PLAYING BALL WITH HIS FRIENDS DOWN THE STREET FROM WHERE I LIVE. IT WAS ONE HOUR BEFORE THE GAME, BUT HE WAS STILL EXCITED TO GET THEM AND GO. HE HAD A MOUTH FULL OF BRACES AND A SAMMY SOSA JERSEY ON. I HOPE HE HAD A GOOD TIME. PS - I KNOW SAMMY SOSA DOESN'T PLAY FOR THE YANKEES. Thanks again! You should be the lead singer in a rock and roll band... Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 17, 2002 FROM: Etibur TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Cheap canadian beer will do it! Hi Karyn, I'm currently drunk on cheap canadian beer and have absolutely no intention of sending you a dime. But your web site is still funny. I don't care about your financial problems, hell I don't even care about mine. You know why I don't care? Because that's what cheap canadian beer will do to you! Just thought you'd be very interested in knowing this... Etibur ::::: Dear Etibur, You say that you don't care about your financial problems. I can look at this two ways... Way 1... Drowning away your financial woes in beer is no solution to your problems. And CHEAP beer just makes matters worse. That means you'll wake up with a horrible headache and hangover much worse than if you just drowned your sorrows in regular good beer. Way 2... But I guess being in financial trouble and all is probably the reason you bought the cheap beer, because it was cheaper. So kudos to you on that one for living within your means! You are on your way to fixing your financial problems! Thanks for the email! Save your dimes for your own financial debt! Or save your dimes to buy better beer! Or save your dimes to buy the same cheap canadian beer you've been buying! Good luck! XOXO, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 16, 2002 FROM: Albear TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none you must be crazy.. i have my own debts to pay off..who do you think you are????? ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Albear SUBJECT: Re: none Dear Albear, Who do I think I am? I'm sorry you must have missed the opening page... My name is Karyn, I'm really nice, and I'm asking for your help! You see, I have this huge credit card debt and I need $20,000 to pay it off. So if you have an extra buck or two, please send it my way! All I need is $1 from 20,000 people, or $2 from 10,000 people, or $5 from 4,000 people... -You get the picture! Together, we can banish credit card debt from my life! So, go back to the home page, start at the top and work your way down on the left... You can read my letter to find out how I got involved in this mess, you can read some of my answers to frequently asked questions, you can read my weekly updates on how the website is doing, you can watch my debt shrink, you can learn what I do every day to save a buck and make a buck, you can read some emails from people just like you, you can buy some of my stuff, and most importantly, you can give me money. So good luck with your debt! You sound like a really important and busy person, being so short with me and all... so if you want to skip all the above pages and go directly to the "Give Karyn Money" page, then I totally understand. Thanks again, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 15, 2002 FROM: hose yerdaddy TO: Karyn SUBJECT: I'm concerned... Dear Karyn - Perusing your site, I noticed you have a cat on your shoulder on the Daily mE-Mail page. As a lover of cats (purely platonic, mind you), I'm always concerned about the possibility of cyber stalkers trolling for our defenseless furry companions. I think you know what I'm talking about. Kitty porn is not to be taken lightly. Thousands of kitties are abducted every year and forced to wear hot pink g-strings and shave their tails for a small contingent of thrill-seeking pervos with too much money and Astroglide on their hands. These disgusting deviants scan the internet fervently, looking for potential targets. When we post pictures of young felines on the internet, these people send out an elite, highly-organized cadre of professional cat-snatchers (more commonly known as: the mailman; the pizza delivery guy; the cable guy; old Miss Henderson down the hall; and several Liberace impersonators) to abduct our furry friends. It's only a matter of days before the small, innocent kittens are hooked on the devil's weed (catnip) and rolling about in fishnet stockings looking desperate for the camera. I notice you have placed a black bar over kitty's eyes to lend some anonymity, but you know as well as I it's not the eyes that identify one cat from another. A good whiff of a hind-end and the target can be confirmed to 97.1% accuracy! These people don't fool around, Karyn! So, I beg of you - please leave the defenseless ones anonymous, so that the fur fetishists are not tempted to come take kitty away. Thank you for your time, and good luck with the bills. Sincerely, hosemedown_____ (not my real name) ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: hose yerdaddy SUBJECT: Re: I'm concerned... Dear hosemedown, I thank you for your concern regarding kitty porn. Kitty porn IS a serious matter, and I agree, it should not be taken lightly. I'll be honest... the cat has had a few run-ins with kitty porn in the past. I'd be lying if I said I never walked in on him humping a fluffy blanket before... Fixed he may be, but horny he still is. He was "makin' muffins" or whatever people like to call it these days. He was really going to town. I don't know if anyone else was involved in the humping, but I put a stop to it as soon as I walked in. The fluffy blanket in question has been put away. As for the bar accross his eyes, it was placed there so his other kitty friends wouldn't find out that his mother was selling herself on the internet for a few bucks... He's got a reputation to protect. Me, I don't. So, thanks for the warning. I'll be on the look-out for the deviants you refer to. But taking into consideration the cat's previous humping experiences, he may be into that sort of thing... Thanks again, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 14, 2002 FROM: Nina TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none hi again karyn... i read your daily buck about the roach. this is my advice to keep the buggers to a minimum. if its food and its open, stick it in the fridge or ziplock bags. Clean all dishes. gets some bleach and some water---mix together in a old hairspray bottle and spray everything down---they hate the smell. I had an apartment and cause of the foilthy mofos next door we stated to get them. when i saw my first one i thoughnt it was a fluke---then i saw another when company was visiting---it was on the stove---I screamed and then cried as my friend kimmy held me---chris her husband killed it with a spoon rest. I had never seen a roach before that. My roommae blamed me---she blamed me for everything that happened. chaos follows me wherever i go. anyways im glad to hear your cat got him cornered---those things are ultra fast too. it sounds like the lil guy earns his keep inspite of puking a lot. anyways good luck with the roaches---and remember---dont wear black when cleaning with bleach---it will make you sad inside. Nina ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Nina SUBJECT: Re: none Dear Nina, Thank you so much for your advice regarding roaches. Roaches are a horrible thing indeed. And your friend Kimmy and her husband sound like good people. I do not want you to think I am a "foilthy mofo" or anything because I have a very clean apartment. I figure the darn thing ran in from outside. Do they do that? I swear he flew too. Do roaches fly? I thought he was going to come straight at my face. The cat does earn his keep. He barfed twice yesterday. But thanks to my quick reflexes, he missed the bed and the rug. I picked him up mid-barf and held him over the wood floor. It was gross. He barfed "on the move" you could say. He's been eating Deli Cat this week, and I just don't think he likes it very much. Even though I'm not supposed to spend money, I bought some stuff called Petromalt to help him not barf. It's supposed to get rid of fur balls. I just got it, so I'll let you know how it works. Anywho, it's not good to be sad inside, so I'll remember not to wear black when cleaning. Thanks, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 12, 2002 FROM: Chris TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Hey Figures a woman would get herself into debt like this because no man could. HAH. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Chris SUBJECT: Re: Hey Dear Chris, You know the last time I checked, we haven't had any female presidents... and the last time I checked the National Debt was around $6,151,550,892,588.25. So you Chris, might want to rethink your last comment. HAH. Karyn A WOMAN who's only a mere $20,000 in the hole... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 11, 2002 FROM: Mitch TO: Karyn SUBJECT: money U ACTUALLY EXPECT PEOPLE TO BUY YOUR STUFF FOR. THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE BASICALLY DOING. WHY DON'T U START LOOKING IN YOUR COUCH FOR CHANGE. I HEARD U ON THE RADIO(101.5) AND I CANT BELIEVE THEY WASTED THEIR AIR TIME ON U. U SPENT YOUR MONEY ON A RETARDED $500 GOOCHI BAG. HOW FREAKING LAME. YOU GOT YOURSELF IN DEPT GET YOUR SELF OUT OF IT. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Mitch SUBJECT: Re: money Dear Illiterate Asshole, 1) Yes I actually expect people to buy my stuff. Not "my stuff for." It's nice stuff, so why shouldn't people buy it? So you are right, that is what they basically are doing. 2) I've looked in my couch for change, and there is none. 3) I enjoyed being on 101.5, and as much as you think they might have wasted their time talking to me, you wasted your time listening to it, logging on to the internet, going to my website, looking through my auctions, figuring out how to email me, drafting your lame illiterate letter to me (I can't imagine that actually took you that long), and pushing the send button on your email. Now that seems like YOU wasted a lot more time on me than they they did. 4) "Goochi" is spelled "G-U-C-C-I" 5) I got myself in "D-E-B-T" not "Dept", unless you think I got lost in a department of some sorts. A department STORE maybe, but not a department. 6) And I AM getting myself out of D-E-B-T. So thanks for the advice. I actually enjoyed wasting my time writing you back, and I sure hope you can read it. Have your grandma help you sound out the words... It's not as tough as it looks. Thanks, Karyn PS - SEND A BUCK IF YOU CAN - THAT'S ONE DOLLAR - UNO - 100 PENNIES - 4 QUARTERS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 10, 2002 FROM: Big McLargeHuge TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Dear Karyn, OR How I Became A Super Hero Dear Karyn, ONE TIME I WAS LOOKING IN THE FOREST FOR TURNIPS AND DID NOT FIND TURNIPS BUT INSTEAD, A BEAR. "RARR RARR I WILL EAT YOU I AM A BEAR!" SAID THE BEAR. "NO YOU WILL NOT EAT ME YOU WILL NOT EAT ME YOU STUPID BEAR!" I REPLIED. "RARR RARR YES I WILL EAT YOUR I AM A BEAR RARR" SAID THE BEAR. "NO YOU WONT!!!" I SAID. "RARR YES I WILL I AM A BEAR RARR" SAID THE BEAR. THEN I PUNCHED IT AND IT DIED. Sincerely, Big McLargeHuge. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Big McLargeHuge SUBJECT: Re: Dear Karyn, OR How I Became A Super Hero Dear Big McLargeHuge, That's a lovely story. That's how I feel about my debt. It was big, it was bad, but I'm punching it one dollar at a time - AND I'M WINNING! Karyn PS - Did you get any turnips? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 8, 2002 FROM: Jack TO: Karyn SUBJECT: *sigh* Argh and avast yea maties, I suppose this pirate will get no response from the beautiful Karyn. I'll just have to donate my money to NAAPP (National Association for the Advancement of Pirate People) instead. Jack the spurred King of pirates ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Jack SUBJECT: Re: *sigh* Dear Jack, So sorry to hear you are a pirate. However, I am happy to hear that me ignoring you helped out the National Association for the Advancement of Pirate People. Let me ask you, how big is your sword? I was just wondering... Karyn PS - Send a buck if you can! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 7, 2002 FROM: Aaron G. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Candy Bar Hi, I found a candy bar in my truck today, I bought my truck used a few months ago. I was really hungry so I ate the candy bar. It was a Milky Way Dark, I never bought one of those, so I think it belonged to guy that had the truck before me. So I was thinking if you ever get hungry and want free food, you buy a car and see if anyone left food in it. It was kinda chewy. Aaron PS If I find any more candy bars, I'll send them to you. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Aaron G. SUBJECT: Re: Candy Bar Dear Aaron, Cool. Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 6, 2002 FROM: Malcolm and Luke TO: Karyn SUBJECT: I'll send money Dear Karyn, I am sending this all the way from Down Under, if ya put a picture of your breasts on your website I'll send ya $50.00 and a pet kangaroo. Regards, Malcolm and Luke ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Malcolm and Luke SUBJECT: Re: I'll send money Dear Malcom and Luke, While the idea of receiving $50 excites me, I am going to have to pass on the offer to "show you my breasts." However, I do want to applaud you on your choice of words. You see, I've received numerous requests to see my "tits", "jugs", "boobies", "hooters, "rack" and "bazoombas". If I were going to show my breasts to anyone, it would be you two nice boys from downunder, because of your fine choice of words. So kudos to you! And in regards to the kangaroo... I'd LOVE to have a pet kangaroo, but I've had a talk with the cat and he says it's a no-go. Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 5, 2002 FROM: Hassan J. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Hey Hey. I saw your website. Sucks that you have that large of a debt. Anyways, where are the pictures of you on your site? My friend TJ thinks you are an overly large woman who just sits on your arse and eats doritos all day. So do you have any pics you can send me? Thanks. Talk to you later. P.S. TJ also asks this: Do you have a boyfriend? Is he bigger than me? ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Hassan J. SUBJECT: Re: Hey Dear Hassan, Thanks for the email. You can assure your friend TJ that I am NOT an overly large woman who sits and eats doritos all day. I am in fact a young blond hottie that your friend TJ could not handle. And on the boyfriend front, I'm still looking for Mr. Right. I know he's out there, but I can't seem to find him. If you see him, let him know I'm looking for him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 4, 2002 FROM: Erika TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none Let me give you a tip... Stop using the word "like" every other word. You sound as ignorant as you are. Now... go out and get a real job and stop looking for people to bail you out! It's time to get responsible. You better start now. Because it's no fun learning the lesson late!! You get me? Get control girl! ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Erika SUBJECT: Re: none Like, I get you dude. Debt is grody, for sure. Totally. Oh my gawd, you have no idea unless you have debt. It's like, the gnarliest thing ever. Like, sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm so freaking out over it. It's like I want to gag or somehing. You know? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 3, 2002 FROM: Spinal TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Think you have it bad? Dear Karyn, $20,000...Think you have it bad? I have a friend of mine who is $60,000 in the hole. The one advantage you have is you have all the stuff you bought. He on the other hand is left with nothing because eveything he bought his ex-wife now has, hence, no selling goods on E-Bay. Take Care, Spinal ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Spinal SUBJECT: Re: Think you have it bad? Dear Spinal, I have an idea for your friend... Why doesn't he auction off his ex-wife? Just a thought... Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 2, 2002 FROM: Robert P. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none You can't be a female. You have bigger balls than the NBA ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Robert P. SUBJECT: Re: none Dear Robert P., No balls here! I am female indeed! You see Robert, this is the 21st century. Women are strong these days, powerful. We don't do things in moderation, or take a back seat anymore afraid we'll offend some man. We are leaders. I read once that "It's not the smart that get ahead, but the bold." I'm glad to be bold. And if being bold makes you think I may have balls. Then so be it. Robert, because I am a woman, I have this quote and all of my other favorite sayings in a scrapbook. It's pink, of course. If you ever need a "lift" let me know, and I'll find the perfect thing to cheer you up. Thanks, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: August 1, 2002 FROM: Campbell TO: Karyn SUBJECT: PS I feel so sorry for your future husband. The poor bastard isn't going to know what hit him. Glad I'm not dumb and rich. Campbell W. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Campbell SUBJECT: Re: PS Dear Campbell, Please do not feel bad for my future husband. You see, I have changed my spendthrift ways. I am a NEW woman. I will marry my husband for love, not for money, and I will treat him and his pocketbook with respect. I vow not to give him bill after bill, but give him lots of love instead! Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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DATE: July 31, 2002 FROM: David TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Barter Karyn: Although I recognize the cruel, unsavory banking establishment doesn't recognize the barter system, I have a vintage piece of memorbilia from the heady days of Footloose, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, Silver Spoons, and the like. It's an autographed "Alphonso's Breakin' Board." Unfortunately, I don't have the multi-flap, multi-zippered, red monstrosity of a leather jacket that accompanied it. You recall the spleandor of watching Alphonso Riberro as Ricky's best friend on the teen-thriller Silver Spoons, or if you're too young, then certainly you'll recall his screen presence in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, playing Carlton, counterpart to his street-wise cousin Will. In any event, I'd be willing to ship it to you F.O.B. for sale in your e-Bay collection. You're welcome to the proceeds to assist in defraying your credit card expenses w/out the hardship of a finder's fee OR I suppose I could send you one crisp dollar bill... your choice. Best of luck. David ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: David SUBJECT: Re: Barter Dear David, I cannot contain my excitement!!! AHHHH!!!! I LOVE (present tense) Silver Spoons! "Here we are face to face, a couple of Silver Spoons..." AND The Fresh Prince... "Now... this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air." That Will is just so "street" compared to straight-laced Carlton... The only problem I see in this "barter" is that it will be hard for me to part with the Alphonso's Breakin' Board once I receive it. But I understand that I must do it... I'm going to take a picture of me with the Breakin' Board before it goes. LOOK FOR IT ON THE WEBSITE SOON! I'm just curious as why you HAVE an Alphonso's Breakin' Board? Autographed, none the less... I guess one might ask the same questions about me and Darrin's Dance Grooves VHS. I guess we know a good thing when we see it! Thanks! Karyn PS - Oh, and you can keep the dollar in lieu of the finder's fee! I AM SO DAMN EXCITED! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 30, 2002 FROM: Ian C. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none I was at this bar the other night and I saw this really cute girl dancing. I really wanted to go up to her but I didn't, I am a chicken shit. So I left and went to another bar. While at that bar I got kicked out. So I went to the first bar again. I was feeling a little buzzed and was on the dance floor. I was thinking, I really like this girl's style. Then next thing I know she grabs me and starts dancing with me. I told her she was the most bueatifull girl I had seen all night (I wasnt lying either) and she hugged me, I am going to remember that one. We talked for a while and I found out she lives an hour and fifteen minutes away from me. I realy liked her, kind of wished I told her how bueatifull she was a few more times. Should I have gotten her number and called her? Maybe this is God's way of playin' with me. That's a long distance, but would it be too weird of we to even attempt to start a relationship over that distance? ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Ian C. SUBJECT: Re: none I'm no love expert, but I'll give you my 2 cents about this... First, don't be a chicken shit. Women hate wimpy men. Be confident & strong. If you go up and ask her to dance, and she says no, what's the big deal? So your ego takes a slight jab. It'll come back. Move on. Second, Why did you get kicked out of the second bar? Too much liquor? Fight? Most women I know hate both of those things, so watch yourself. I don't know your age, but you can't act like a college boy forever. Third, so you move to the dance floor, and she grabs you. If you approached her in the first place, you could have avoided the fight at the second bar, and met her while you were sober and could have possibly formed a nice relationship. Fourth, women LOVE compliments, so KUDOS to you on telling her she was beautiful... Fifth, and hour and 15 is NOTHING! People have relationships accross the country. If it's right, it'll happen. Sixth, yes you should have gotten her number. But you didn't and you now have to fix that. So go back to the bar this weekend. Drink less, talk more. Seventh, God doesn't play with you. It's life. You'll have your ups and you'll have your downs. But don't blame it on God. So Ian, Good luck and keep me posted! Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 29, 2002 FROM: Dale TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none You are f***ing nuts and should be ashamed of yourself. I have forwarded this to eveyone I know with my input!!!!!!!!!!! ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Dale SUBJECT: Re: none OOOHH YOUR INPUT FRIGHTENS ME! Chill out dude. It's a fun campy website. Sorry you have no sense of humor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 28, 2002 FROM: Cara TO: Karyn SUBJECT: You Cannot Afford Highlights I know, you don't want anyone to see your face. I did, however, get a good look at the top of your head in today's NY Times. Karyn, those are highlights in your hair, are they not? When I went on a budget, those were one of the first things I had to learn to do without. Yeah, I loved 'em. But I finally came to understand that that $150-plus, every few months, belongs to First USA now. (Yes, I have major CC debt, too.) It's hard, I know, but you can (temporarily) live without highlights. Cara ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Cara SUBJECT: Re: You Cannot Afford Highlights Dear Cara, Yes, those are highlights in my hair. However, I'd like to defend myself. I received those highlights in the beginning of April. AND it was a partial, not a whole head. Since April, I have used Loreal Preference, Shade 7-1/2A (The "A" is for ash - it's not as brassy as the others) to touch up my roots. Please take another look at the photo and try to see that the highlights start half way down my head. I am very careful not to get the Preference on the highlights, because I am trying to preserve them as long as possible. So, I'm okay so far without highlights and we are going into August. But thank you for calling me on that. And I hope I answered your question. Karyn Loreal Preference user 7-1/2A -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 25, 2002 FROM: Sean TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none In reference to the two morons emailing about your rack... maybe he was talking about the metal rack in the refrigerator picture that the britta filter sits on. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Sean SUBJECT: Re: none Oh my gosh! Thank you Sean! I must have been mistaken! You are very right! Whenever I make a mistake, I'm the first one to apologize, so here goes... I, Karyn, apologize to LAI1997 and BigFatKoi for assuming that when you said "nice rack" that you were talking about the size of my hooters. Sean is correct. You MUST have been talking about the metal rack inside my fridge, not my HOOTERS. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 24, 2002 FROM: LAI1997 TO: Karyn SUBJECT: none BigFatKoi said that you have a nice rack, but I have been searching your site for a few minutes here and can't find a picture of it anywhere. Please send me the link to this picture. Also, I would certainly pay you for a wet t-shirt picture, and if it would make you feel better I would send you a picture of me in wet boxer shorts. Anyways think about it. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: LAI1997 SUBJECT: Re: none Dear LAI, There is no picture of my "rack" on the site. BigFatKoi said he was "fantasizing about me" and then told me I had a "nice rack," which means he was fantasizing about my "nice rack" in his fantasy. Get it? So I will not be sending you a link. I also will not be selling you a picture of me in a wet t-shirt for fear that you will get too excited, fall off your lay-z-boy, and maybe hurt yourself. I don't want to be responsible for that. And although I'm sure you in a pair of wet shorts would make for a "juicy" picture, something's telling me to steer clear of that one too. So good luck! ::::: UPDATE: I got this email from Lai after I posted his original email... I resent the implication that I own a lazy boy. I am not fat, and I certainly wouldn't own anything with the word "lazy" in it. I fact I am the opposite of lazy. I send over 8 hours a week in the gym. Why do I spend all this time? Because I am self centered and shallow. And I certainly wouldnt be hurt falling out of a lazy boy. Good luck with your debt. You should try some protein shakes, for $40 you could get a 5 lb bucket of whey protein at GNC, that would feed you for a month! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 22, 2002 FROM: Meryl B. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Fat Ass Hello, You dont know me at all. I was on holiday in Australia recently and stopped in at a hotel. I was having my breakfast when I saw this huge fat ass go waddling by. I just about blew chunks, it was f***ing huge !!! If you ever go to Western Australia, make sure you look out for the fat asses... Take Care and Be aware, Fat Asses are everywhere !!! Meryl B. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Meryl B. SUBJECT: Re: Fat Ass Thanks for the heads up regarding fat asses. However, I don't think it's very nice of you to refer to someone as being a "fat ass." Some people just can't help it if they're a fat ass. Sometimes having a fat ass runs in the family, and sometimes being a fat ass is just a symptom of a deeper emotional issue. And who's to say that having a fat ass is bad? Some people prefer fat asses to skinny bony asses, so to each his own, huh? Either way, I will definitely "watch out" next time I go to Western Australia. However, I don't think that will be happening any time soon because of my debt. So, send a buck if you can! Best, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 20, 2002 FROM: BigFatKoi TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Cheaper than membership to a porn site I'm giving you $1.99 because it's cheaper than membership to a porn site. 'cause basically all a porn site does is give you a place to fantasize. So I can send you a couple bucks and fantasize about the way you would thank me. Hope it's worth the money to know what I'll be thinking about tonight. p.s. nice rack ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: BigFatKoi SUBJECT: Re: Cheaper than membership to a porn site Dear BigFatKoi, Thanks for the buck 99. And I'm glad you like my rack. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 19, 2002 FROM: Neil S. TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Idea Did you ever think about eating your cat? That might save you a few bucks. Seems that the little shit only causes you grief anyway. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Neil SUBJECT: Re: Idea Dear Neil, I have a better idea. Why don't I let my cat eat YOU instead? You see, I have a grill in my back yard, and I'm thinking maybe you could come over, plop your big fat ass down in it, and my cat and I could roast YOU up for dinner. We could toast marshmallows, sing camp songs, baste you with butter, poke you when your done... It'll be a great "Mommy & Kitty" bonding experience. I HAVE been really hungry lately... and it beats Friskies for him... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 18, 2002 FROM: Steve TO: Karyn SUBJECT: My dvd addiction sent me into credit card hell, and I am still there Hi my name is Steve, and I owe $1,400 dollars to Mastercard. There I said it and I feel better :) I have been buying dvds almost every week for the last 5 months. My dvd shelf has begun to dwarf a small child, and I am worried it will soon overflow and consume my very being. It all began with my love of movies, a movie here and a movie there. Some of my favorites at first, and then movies I didn't like a whole lot, but felt I needed anyway. Then the problem took a nasty turn as I investigated movies I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE, but had to have. I have 15 dvds on order right now, with no hope of paying for them. I truthfully can not stop. I would donate a dollar to your cause, but I can't even donate enough to my credit card bill! I have begun contemplating selling off... my Stanley Kubrick collection, the crown jewel of my collection. I don't know if you are into movies or not, but this is the big momma of dvd collections, it has Clockwork Orange, Eyes Wide Shut, The Shining, 2001 Space Oddysey... I am getting teary eyed thinking of losing it right now. Well just thought I would let you know that there are other 20 somethings who have serious debt problems. Any advice as to how to stop the downward spiral? Thanks Steve ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Steve SUBJECT: My dvd addiction sent me into credit card hell, and I am still there Dear Steve, I am sorry to hear about your addiction to DVDs. I don't know too much about DVD addiction, but i'm guessing it could get really ugly. I feel your pain. If it makes you feel better, I too had a horrible addiction that I had to overcome. Even saying the word sends shivers up my spine... so I am gonna whisper it to you ... shh... i was addicted to ...lipgloss. There I said it. I, STEVE, WAS ADDICTED TO LIPGLOSS. Gosh, it pains me just to think about it. There was Mac, Givenchy, Prescriptives (the motherload!), T LeClerc, Nars, Bobbi Brown - the list goes on. I even bought Bonnie Bell once or twice. But I overcame it, and you can too. Steve, I have received hundreds of e-mails from 20-somethings just like us in debt. So, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And $1,400 is not that bad. Just don't let it get any higher and start paying it back now. What I am about to suggest may sound crazy, but I ask you to please NOT press the back button on your browser. I think that you should sell all of your DVDs. Even the Stanley Kubrick collection. You may find something strangely satisfying about not having any those damn DVDs around to clog up your thinking space. However, I am NOT really in the position of giving advice. After all, I am a woman who ran up $20,000 in debt by buying a bunch of designer crap. Take it one day at a time Steve, baby steps... baby steps... it'll be okay... Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 17, 2002 FROM: Debra TO: Karyn SUBJECT: hey this is so cool i am probably going to be like you when i get older but oh well i have one dollar in my name one uno unus hahahaha i don't have anything to do with it so might as well give it to you i like doing weird things well anyway i do not know how to get it to you but it is right there do you see it i see it just gotta keep my cat from eating it she does things like that bad cat bad ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Debra SUBJECT: Re: hey Dear Debra, Crack is bad. Best, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 15, 2002 FROM: Denise TO: Karyn SUBJECT: question Since ive been in a similar situation i'd really like to know, where is your pride? ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Denise SUBJECT: Re: question I left it at Bloomingdales. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 14, 2002 FROM: Sco TO: Karyn SUBJECT: yer site... How about this, you put on a pair of panties and a t-shirt, have a friend take a photo of you from the neck down, and then mail me the same panties that are in the picture. I'll give you some money for that... ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Sco SUBJECT: Re: yer site Dear Sco: I got a better idea... instead of the undies, how about I send you my flip flops? You see, it's summer and it's hot. And you know what that means? I sweat. Yep. Sweat. From head to toe. And you know what happens to your flip flops when your feet sweat and you are forced to wear them day in and day out because you are on a budget and can't afford another pair? Well - they stink. Like old vinegar, ripe cheese - they stink. So if you'd like to see what I smell like, I'd rather send you my flip flops then my panties. Let me know... Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 13, 2002 FROM: calle TO: Karyn SUBJECT: NYC water-rest easy Karyn- I'm a Occupational Safety guy, working privately, not for government agencies-- but you have nothing to fear in NYC water-- and in fact, it is probably cleaner than most communities in the country-- here's a short synopsis of why--NYC's reservoirs are comprised by a watershed area of over 1900 square miles. Both by ground filtration. and a process of sand filtering, impurities are removed before going to the processing point-- where, they are super chlorinated (or run through a bath of 30% sodium hypochlorate), recombined, fluoridated (which besides added strength to teeth, also acts as an additional barrier to organisms), and then chlorinated again at several delivery points along the tunnel network. In fact, several years ago, a terrorist attempt WAS made at the water supply-- and the organism were killed by the process. In fact, poisoning of the water supply is more fiction than fact, mostly because of the sheer volume of water-- we're talking billions of gallons. In order to deliver a chemical attack, the terrorists would basically have to deliver a supertanker quantity-- and that just ain't gonna happen. NYC water is consistently ranked among the best tasting water in the world-- in fact, Aquavita brand water is just refiltered NYC water, bottled by Coca Cola to unsuspecting idjits. Save your money on Brita filters-- NYC water is clean and safe, and by using aftermarket filters such as Brita, you are removing the effective amount of flouride, which means you will be increasing your dental bills down the road. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: calle SUBJECT: Re: NYC water-rest easy Good to know! Thanks for the info! XOXO, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 12, 2002 FROM: lilsully TO: Karyn SUBJECT: You are not alone Hi Karyn: I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed your website. I am an ex-brooklynite myself, and had to chuckle to myself that only a Brooklynite would have the chutzpah to do what you are doing. There is no way, of course, for me to know whether your actually paying off your debt, with the money you receive or just throwing it away frivilously, but you come off as a pretty honest person, so I am going to send you a couple of bucks. Thanks, and good luck! ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: lilsully SUBJECT: Re: You are not alone Thank you! You'll have to take my word for it. I grew up Catholic and have this HORRIBLE Catholic guilt! All the years of private school... If I say I'm paying my credit card bills with what you give me, then I'M PAYING MY CREDIT CARD BILLS WITH WHAT YOU GIVE ME! If I lied about it, heaven wouldn't let me in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 11, 2002 FROM: Colby TO: Karyn SUBJECT: Hey Karyn Cool site, cool cause. I'm impressed, so crazy it could work. I'm watching your ebay items so I can find away to take part. I can't bring myself to just donate when I already donate to a lot of other charities. Not that this isn't equally as worthy of a cause. So keep your ebay updated. If you get anything up there that appeals to a 20-something active male, I'll bid. Unfortunately prada shoes and belts aren't my bag baby. Very cute concept though. Best wishes. By the way...I work for a Baltimore newspaper, and I found out about your website on a local rock radio station, so that's two mass media that you've penetrated in the Baltimore market. Good job! ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: Colby SUBJECT: Re: Hey Karyn Hello there Colby! Not interested in my Prada shoes... well, let's see... What does every 20-something active male want... How about a "Darrin's Dance Grooves" VHS? I mean, c'mon... every 20-something male wants to learn how to dance like the boys from N'Sync! Carson Daly on Darrin... "You'll notice... he's just better than everybody..." You can learn to do the "Pop and Lock" and get down to "It Ain't No Lie, Baby, Bye - Bye - Bye." I just happened to have a Darrin's Dance Grooves VHS and listed in on eBay just for you! So happy bidding. Here's the link: UPDATE JULY 19, 2002 - DARRIN'S DANCE GROOVES SOLD FOR $16 ON EBAY! COLBY DIDN'T BID ON IT. 2ND UPDATE JULY 31, 2002 - THE LOSER WHO BID $16 ON DARRIN'S DANCE GROOVES DIDN'T PAY, SO I HAD TO AUCTION IT AGAIN! IT SOLD FOR $17 AND THE GUY PAID! IT STILL WASN'T COLBY. Best, Karyn -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DATE: July 10, 2002 FROM: scarlett_turtle TO: Karyn SUBJECT: money to help you out Hi Karyn, A friend sent me your website and I read your story. It sounds like you're a nice person in a bad situation. It's soooo easy to let credit cards get the best of you. So, I'd like to send you $100 in exchange for sex. That's right SEX. If you have enough balls to ask for money, then I guess I have enough to ask for this. I know that $100 is kind of low, so I don't want to be insulting, but you didn't have a picture on your site, so I can't tell if you're cute or not. If you send a picture and you're really cute, I may be willing to go as high as $1000. Let me know. ::::: FROM: Karyn TO: scarlett_turtle SUBJECT: Re: money to help you out First of all I'm cute - let's get that out of the way. I've also been referred to as HOT on countless occasions. You see, I am hard up for cash. So I started a website called "Save Karyn" in which I ask people who can feel my pain to give me a buck - because bucks are what I need. In return they really get nothing. But you seem to be hard up for some good sex, because you just offered to pay me for some. You didn't even ask me if I'd do it for free. I told people straight out that they weren't going to get anything in return for giving me a dollar. The most exciting thing they can do is watch my debt shrink, read some "Daily Bucks", or perhaps this e-mail from you. So my advice to you is this: start a website. It's helped me, maybe one can help you too. Call it, "Save the Scarlett Turtle" and just straight out ask people for sex. I've gotten some bucks - you just might as well get yourself a nice piece of a**! Anyway, gotta run and pay a bill. Take care! Good luck! Tell all your friends about my website! Maybe we can put links from mine to yours and vice-versa! XOXO, Karyn Oh I forgot... PS - Send a buck if you can! |
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